Last month when I was in Arizona, I fell into a creek. I had my newest camera on me and my entire being went in. I was devastated. I yelled, jumped up and my face crumpled in agony. My friends that were hiking with me immediately thought I had gotten hurt. “Nope. Just my camera!” I wailed. I had dunked my camera.
Fast forward to yesterday. Yesterday was the first time I had a “real” opportunity to play with my new-to-me camera. I had upgraded last week to a used Canon 5D mark IV. It’s a camera I had looked up for fun over and over and over again to see if I should get one. For the price, I never committed. Last week I was lucky to find one used in great condition, for more than I wanted to pay… ever. But I paid it and went home with the worst case of buyers remorse. Spending money is HAAAAARD… especially after giving up Spring Vacation with both sets of families. But this is how I work. I have several shoots scheduled (in Moses Lake and Othello too!) and needed something quick.
Any way- longer story (not very short… haha!)- I was wanting to upgrade to a mirrorless camera as my next choice. And I could have gotten one- but if I’m going to go big (going home is NOT an option) I wanted the $5,000 one. Of course I do. Who doesn’t want to spend the amount of a car on a tool you can use in one hand. haha! I decided I would wait on the mirrorless to get the one I actually wanted while still making a huge upgrade from what I had destroyed in Arizona. Annnnd let’s be honest, I don’t have the best track record with technology! So I bought my original dream camera. The camera I drooled over when IT first came out. How far I have come.
So… remember the buyer’s remorse? As I sat editing some images from yesterday I was sort of moved emotionally. I even talked with my dad about it on the phone just a few minutes ago. This camera captures so much color in it’s information it makes my newer images more vibrant with out me having to bump as much in post-processing. For my style of photography, my heart leaped. I almost walked away from ever buying another camera again to feeling abundantly grateful that my Heavenly Father knows me and my needs, wants and desires. Buying a new camera wasn’t just a want… for my mental health- it was a need.
I hope you enjoy this amazing sun dog/ halo I captured yesterday. The skies were amazing and moody and the sun was bright. It made for excellent conditions to capture a new type of rainbow. This particular field lost 80% of their crop this last fall/ winter during the horrible flooding. What a beautiful reminder that we are not forgotten.
Have you ever had a moment where you walk around a corner and everything just stops? I can think back on one moment in my life where this exact thing happened and it was one of the more poignant memories that I have. My husband and I had just gotten sealed in a temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints, and I sat waiting for him in the foyer. The funny thing about this moment is that I, the bride, was waiting on my groom to finish getting ready. We were going to step out into the World, hand in hand- as husband and wife for the very first time.
So I guess it wasn’t my corner ascending moment, but my husbands… the feelings though as he rounded that corner are feelings I will keep in a little place tucked away in my heart and memory. They are feelings I had never felt before. This is right. This is beautiful. I am so excited to live my life with him from now until forever.
I’m not sure what exactly was going on during the week I snow shoed Gold Creek Pond in Snoqualmie Pass, but what ever it was- it was something I needed to escape emotionally. Rounding the corner in that winter wonderland was once again, a pivotal moment for me and my self. The beauty of the mountains snow kissed and fluffy, while being draped in glorious golden light was more than my heart could bare. I smiled as tears began rolling down my cheek and my chest grew tight with appreciation. It was as if my soul released whatever burden it carried and I could breathe again.
And breathe I did.
This snow shoe trip was shared with two other photographer friends, Stacie and Kathleen. We all “ooh-ed” and “aw-ed” at all the wonderful light spilling through fog filled trees. We waddled around the lake while laughing and enjoying one another’s company. One of the more enjoyable parts of the day was watching two younger women build a snowman and throw themselves on top of the white fluff. Watching them be carefree and play created a yearning deep inside me to join them. While I didn’t intentionally join them this day, I have since taken my children sledding and bombed down the local hills alongside them. It feels amazing to be a kid again! I was lucky to be able to capture a moment of those young ladies playing in the snow, a reminder to myself to always make myself go outside and play too.
The beauty and the vastness of the Cascade Mountains in the winter are really unparalleled in my mind. I love them so much. The healing and joy I have found exploring in the depths of them are something I hope I can continue to carry on with my camera by my side. Finding this side of me in the last 10 years has been a hard and yet peaceful journey. I am blessed and grateful to have found a way to mindfulness that incorporates one of my biggest life passions- photography. And more importantly I am grateful for the ability it gives me to share these journeys and ponderings with you and my future posterity too.
Can you see a recurring subject matter in the last few of my posts? Wildflowers! This year has been INSANE for flowers. And just beautiful. I went on a walk with my family and some friends two days ago, and am so glad we got out and enjoyed some sunshine. It has been gloomy and depressing the last few days- so I really needed the sunshine.
I’m learning I really love daisy’s . What about you?
Has there ever been that “one” shot that you absolutely want? One you see captured over and over again by amazing photographers. Well, Mt. St. Helen’s with wild flowers and the milky way has been one of my unicorn bucket shots. From sunset, through milkyway- and into sunrise a few friends and I stayed out and shot throughout the night. Pulling an all nighter, schmoozing with big time photographers, I was in photographer heaven!
I played around with 8 different images to create this pano composite. It may not be real- but it still fulfills my bucket list shot! I can’t wait to edit more of my images and see what else I have.
This is really hard for me to admit… but I struggle with this picture. I mean don’t get me wrong- it’s gorgeous. My family is gorgeous… but I’m a hot mess. Steroids have created this sweaty chubby person that I don’t even recognize… But isn’t there always SOMETHING? I mean, most mom’s are really hard on themselves. Who the heck else is going to stare at me as hard as I do? No one. All my kids see is their momma. I need to take off these crazy mom goggles and see myself the way my family see’s me. But it’s so hard!
This is our first real family picture since Caius was born. There’s always something that kept me from wanting to get in front of the camera- and that’s so sad. So… here’s our 2019 family picture. Steroids, scars and all. Next goal? Feel freaking amazing by fall so that I can feel bomb in our next family pictures.
Evergreen Mountain Fire Lookout. 2.80 miles roundtrip. 1,425 feet elevation gain.
This hike, although short, was a strenuous one! 1,400 feet gain in 1.4 miles is pretty steep- but what a magical hike. The drive was super sketchy. Super exposed cliffs and an old wooden bridge that doesn’t have many years left… but what a beautiful world that lies at the end of that road.
Hiking along a ridge filled with wild flowers, into a dark and moody forest… back to the ridge that was fogged out and covered in snow. This is my favorite hike. I can’t wait to go back!
“The water wasn’t her prison. It was the door that unlocked the wonders of her mind.”
On this day… two years ago, I almost drowned. It was the one event in my life that completely redirected the direction I was headed. I speak often of anxiety and post-partum, but the one factor I’ve never “REALLY” spoken about is PTSD and how paralyzing it can be. When I say it changed the direction of my life, I’m not saying I was going anywhere bad… but I was just not “going” anywhere. I was stagnant. My accident created this new World inside my mind in a sense. A place where I find light in the dark recesses of my mind and our World. I had an amazing testimony growing experience in the middle of that hell and it has developed my art into something I can stand behind and be proud of. It gave me a purpose. It gave me a story.
That day, two years ago, was terrifying. It was heart wrenching. It was full of all sorts of miracles and tender mercies. And that day two years ago is the reason we have our sweet little baby boy Caius. That day is the reason I am becoming a successful photographer. That day is the reason I can explore and adventure and push myself harder than I knew I could. Because of that day I have been able to fight through this post-partum journey and KNOW I will be okay. If I can survive THAT experience- I WILL survive THIS experience.
May 10th will never be the same… but it is no longer looked upon as the day I almost died, but as the day I was reborn.
“And from her tears, she rises from the ashes and comes forth stronger and more fierce than ever before.”
This year I made it halfway through my 52 hike challenge because of physical challenges I have with my pregnancy- but what a BEAUTIFUL year it has been! In May I met the firefighter that saved my life and had the most amazing emotional healing from that meeting. I got to celebrate the year anniversary of the accident by going on a trip with a friend to Cannon Beach for the weekend, and then on several other hikes with other dear friends. We found out we were expecting a week after the one year anniversary of the worst day of my life! What a miracle! We learned our surprise miracle- is a boy! Shaylee was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! I got to see my Grandpa who cried when I gave him a favorite photograph that has deep meaning behind it- after not seeing him for 7 years! My dear Grandpa has dementia and woke up long enough to recognize me and talk with me about important things. Josh and I took the kids to visit Cape Disappointment and now laugh at some of the disappointments that happened during that family vacation. I got to to go my cousin’s wedding with my hubby for a fun get-away! My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary and my sister moved back from Kentucky!
This year has been so full of amazing adventures and journeys. My photography has taken off and I have been blessed with a new perspective that has given me a new focus. My life is full of amazing people that complete me and love me through all of the crazy. Between girl trips and girl night outs, and date nights my heart is complete. Thank you for an amazing 2017! I can’t wait to see what 2018 is full of!
Goals for 2018:
Survive the birth of Fatty Mc Fatty pants. haha!
Triathlon in July
Tough Mudder in September
52 Hike challenge with Mc Fatty Pants
Silverwood with family in the summer…